"Nothing holds more power than love, yet love has been so neglected as an element of discipline, and many hurtful things have been done in its name. Love is defined as an action that has the following four results:
1. Love increases security and provides safety. You might bark at your child, “Get over here or you’ll get lost!” But wouldn’t it feel better to say something like, “Stay close to me in the store so I can keep you safe. If something happened to you, I would be sad. I love having you with me.” Fear separates, love unites.
2. Love travels from the worthy to the worthy. When we feel good about ourselves, we tend to focus on the beauty in our own lives and the goodness of others. When we feel bad about ourselves, we tend to criticize and judge others. If you want to teach your child, rather than blame him/her, for problems that arise, you must first rediscover and accept your worth. To extend love to others, you must love yourself. Fear judges, love enjoys.
3. Love looks for the highest and best in people and situations. Imagine that you are having lunch with your child in a restaurant and your waitress has bungled your order. Instead of saying, “She is totally clueless, and ought to lose her job,” give her a break. Say, “We all have off days. Let’s help her by giving smiles and kind words.” Fear focuses on what is missing; love sees the best of what is.
4. Love accepts what is. Fear looks to blame because things are not going as they “should.” Love looks for solutions as it accepts what is. Instead of shouting, “Should the newspapers be spread all over?” calmly say, “Put the papers in the recycling bin.” Fear looks for blame, love seeks solutions.
Loving guidance is based on these definitions of love. Its goal is to teach children to express themselves honestly while acting responsibly within a safe environment. Children reasonably fear being able to find solutions because they lack the social skills needed to “work it out.” (Lack problem solving skills) Shifting from fear to love requires that we change how we talk to ourselves and our children. Love’s goal is to develop healthy relationships which naturally inspire cooperation." -Dr. Becky A. Bailey
*To Love and to Be Loved is to feel the sun from both sides.*