Coming up for air, taking a deep breath, then being pulled back underneath is the exact way I recently described how I felt in regards to my spiritual walk.
The great unknown where my feet my fail.
Each time I come up for air, it is the most beautiful image I have ever seen. As a light flickers throughout the water, whispering my name, I swim up towards the light. Feeling the warmth of the light, as I reach the surface and gasp for air. Grasp for what is true. Grasp for purpose. His purpose.
And there I found You in the mystery.
In the middle of an ocean. Just me and the most beautiful water I've ever seen. No shore in sight. Yet for a moment I wade in peace and His embrace.
In oceans deep, my faith will stand.
And there is nothing like it. These roads I have been walking for the last months have been scenic in the most polite way. Scenic in the way there has been lots to look at, wonder about, and lots of roads I may have never thought I would travel. Roads with dead ends. Roads with u-turns. Roads with deep rushing water over them.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters.
So deep. I was unsure if I would make it to other side. But I can tell you, I not only made it to the other side. I conquered them. I raised above the waters. Bound in grace.
Your sovereign hand will be my guide.
Fear has gripped me my whole life. Fear crippled me to the point of straight brokenness. Insecurities lurked throughout my mind and soul. I believed the lies that the enemy has told me. That I will never been anything but who I am now. Which according to him is not much.
Where feet my fail and fear surrounds me.
But through the peaks and valleys of this journey I find myself almost not even recognizing my own heart. "For when proven faithful, you will not even recognize who He turns you into." I have come to realize I am none of what the enemy says I am. Rather the total opposite. I am loved. I am beautiful. I am a good mother. I am a good friend. I am worthy of His grace and unfailing love. For I am His...made in His image. I am healed because He came to heal me.
This is what it looks like I guess when we allow ourselves to break down walls and chains that have bound us for so long. Our on personal prison. When we are living a life that is a lie. A lie we didn't even realize was a lie. Much less trapped, physically crippling us. Once we realize that lie and chains start to fall, there is no way you could recognize what is underneath. For the enemy doesn't want us to see the truth, and certainly doesn't want us to be set free. To see all the ways His unfailing love has carried us through. Time and time again.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without boundaries.
From my vantage point in the deep, wide ocean there are no boundaries. There is nothing there that can save me. No man, no thing, not even myself. Except the One and only One who can love me to wholeness. The One that is whispering my name to the surface. The one that breaths breathe into my life. The One whom I can trust. To lead me out of the water onto the rock of victory. To freedom. Freedom in Christ. No longer bound by the chains of Hell.
Let me walk upon the waters.
These roads I've been traveling, the seas I've been wading in (depression, anger, hurt over miscarriages and other losses) are essentially for His purpose in my life. Those are the very things of which my pain births passion. He can not deliver me, if He has nothing to deliver me from. I cannot overcome, if there is nothing to overcome. He cannot set me free, if I don't allow Him to set me free. I cannot walk where I have never been. I can't tell my story without those things. Those things are my story. Those are the very things He is using to refine me. To burn off my impurities, turning ashes into beauty. Bestowing a crown of beauty on me. Leaving the old behind.
To call me to a greater purpose/plan.
Wherever you would call me.
His plan, not Nancy's. Just as Jesus would have maybe chosen a different way to show us His love, other than the Cross. But that was the Lord's will and Jesus said if you can't take this cup from me, then may the Lord's will be done. So while my flesh and failing feet may have hoped for a different outcome in many situations or while I hoped not to suffer, I did and will if that's His purpose. I have to hold fast to Him knowing that He knows what is best for me. After all, He is the Potter and I, the clay. Without the Potter, clay is just dirt.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.
In the depth of my despairs is where I have to learn to trust Him. Trust Him as if He is my only life preserver. True trust. True belief. Trusting and believing He will do what His words tells me it will do. If hope is the anchor of our soul, then why do I find myself drowning in the depths of the raging seas? Because I can't fully trust until I fully believe.
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.
God's word is truth and so much greater than our truth. He is still faithful even in our raging seas. Even when I may or may not feel Him or His love. Or when I feel the current taking me under. He is still good. His love never failing. He never loses His grip on me. He holds me when oceans rise. He binds up my heart and opens the floodgates to where grace abounds.
I will call upon my name.
Keep my eyes above the waves.
My soul will rest in your embrace.
I AM YOURS and YOU ARE MINE!!!!
His purpose. Not Nancy's.
Where my feet may fail...I will call upon your name.
Where my feet may fail...I will call upon your name.
Song and lyrics by Hillsong UNITED Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)