Embracing Motherhood

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We were dressed, including a shower and make-up for me (I know, it's a rare thing these days), all ready to head out the door.  The rain had finally stopped and the grass glistened as the sun shined down on it.

It was turning out to be a beautiful day and I was looking forward to getting out for some fresh air.

Well we never made it out of the driveway.  I decided it was not worth it.  Not worth the fight, not worth losing my temper (again), or worth forcing him into a car seat he clearly did NOT want to go in to.

A pick your battles kind of moment.

Now I sit on my couch in silence as my sweet boy naps since I decided we both needed a "time out!"  Clearly he needed a nap since he was asleep in less than 5 minutes and I needed time with my Heavenly Father, to be refueled, refreshed, and refilled.

"Becoming frustrated and mad will completely drain us and make us feel defeated.  Turning our circumstances over to God will right our heart, change the way we look at the situation, and help us recognize glimpses of God in the midst of our broken efforts." -Lysa TerKeurst, "Am I Messing Up My Kids?"

You see children don't come with a manual or a "how to" and they most certainly don't come with a programmable personality.

They come with the personality that the good Lord gave them.  He created them just the way He wanted.  Fearfully and wonderfully made.  Made perfect only through Him.

While it is our job to help mold and shape them into respectful human beings, we aren't 100% responsible for the outcome.  

Just like He created you and I with flaws and imperfections.  It is what we do with those things that make the difference.  We can choose to let them control us or we control them.  Choosing joy regardless of our circumstances or failures.

Yet, I often wonder if I'm failing as a mom.  Most days I feel like I have failed.  For being a mom is one tough job.

And I feel so inadequate most days.

And guilty.  Guilty about the way I reacted or the way I handled a situation.  Or that I didn't manage to "keep it together" that day.

Testing boundaries is where we are at now in our house.  I'll be honest, I didn't think it would start so soon.

But we are here and I'm quickly learning that each stage presents its own challenges.  With challenges comes learning.

Motherhood is a huge learning curve and every journey is a little different.  But we are ultimately all headed to a common goal.

To raise our children the best we can.  To love them the best way we know how.

I think this is so true with ourselves and our relationship with our Heavenly Father.  He created us in His image so that we may be like Him.

That means we must give of ourselves and serve others.  Including our family.  To give and to serve is to act like Jesus.

So then why do I feel inadequate?  Or as if I've failed?

Especially when I have a Savior who adores me.

He is crazy about us and is crazy in love with us.

And even when we test the boundaries, He is there to sweetly nudge us along the right way.  When He says "no", it is because it is what is best for us - even though we think we know what's best for ourselves.

Same goes with our parenting.  We only want is best for our children and we are only given one chance to get it right.  Well, kind of.

No pressure, right??  Thankfully, each morning is a new day.

If I'm being honest with myself and you, I have to admit mothering is a lot harder than I could ever imagine.  While there are moments of joyous bliss, there are also lots of moments I wish I could do over.  Or days where I'm truly tested.

Then I am reminded that I'm not meant to be perfect.  For we are only made perfect through being transformed by Him by following the only One who is perfect.

I'm also certain I'm not to tackle motherhood alone.

For I cannot do anything by my strength alone.  I'm only fooling myself when I try.

So I'm learning that motherhood requires FULL dependence on Lord Jesus.  Not half or some but ALL of me.

After all, this child of mine is His and His alone.  He has just entrusted me to raise him, but like everything else Brady belongs to Him.  The Lord knows what Brady needs and knows what I need as a mother.

I am the exact mom God knew Brady needed.  Just as well as Brady is the exact son I needed.

Not one part of His plans for us are flawed.

Yes, being a mother is tough that requires lots of work and self sacrifices.  But no one ever said it would be easy, but it would be worth it.

This is what He has called me and so many others to do.  Motherhood is a calling and a privilege.  If he calls you, he will equip you and sustain you. (Psalm 51:12)

And my heart breaks for those who long to be mother.  I pray you can rest in His arms knowing His ways are greater, even when we don't understand.

Which is why I never want to take any of this granted, even the hard days.

"Instead of letting my disappointments discourage me, I let my heart be drawn toward Jesus and ask Him to fill me." -Lysa TerKeurst

I encourage all of us moms to call upon Him and let Him be our refuge and strong tower.  Lord knows we can't do it alone or on our own strength.  He didn't design us that way. 

In "Am I Messing Up My Kids?" by Lysa TerKeurst she tells us this, "God is waiting for you to ask for His portion every day and He will provide.  When we allow Him to reign in us, His portion will rain on us."

I love that.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:26

After all, these are His children.  He knows them better than we do and He already has their plans laid out before them. 

So even when things don't go as planned or I have a bad moment, I will praise Him for He is good.

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And He is all I need to be the mother He has called me to be.  His love, His word, and His grace are the only manuals I need.

Sweet friend, I hope you can bask in His glory today.  Praise Him for even the hard days/moments and for giving you the greatest job on earth.  

And may He be your portion forever.

Following You

Yesterday, we attended the early church service. It is also the contemporary service. We also decided to try out Sunday school. Both of these a first for us.

Pastor Mark started a sermon series on "Hurts, Habits, & Hang-ups." Essentially letting go of the things that we hold on to, or use to keep us from furthering our relationship with Jesus. I would be totally lying if I didn't think to myself, "oh I don't have any of those!" When I look at my life, I like to think it's a pretty decent, good life. I am extremely blessed, thankfully, I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol, no I haven't been terribly hurt by anyone in my life - but as Pastor Mark preached about "hang-ups", I realized those things don't have to be major issues or trials in your life. They can be simple as eating too much or over-spending.

First, I realized who am I to question God on why I am having a son rather than a daughter. Who am I to question his will for my life? Clearly, He knows best and why do I continue to question/wonder/and let's just say flat out discredit the one I know has my heart in the palm of his hand. The one I know has a life for me better than my wildest dreams.

Part of it comes from fear and being afraid of what might happen if I allow myself to get closer, or to truly follow His will for my life. One of those - be careful what you ask for kind of deals. Knowing that if that is his will for me and I truly want to live my life for Him, that I must not be afraid or anxious.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

I also realized that we often use control as a way of hiding behind those hurts, habits, & hang-ups.

Let's face it, it is our human nature to want to control every facet of our life. If we can control something, we feel more comfortable, we feel as if we have it all together. When clearly, the reality is we are probably unraveling at the other end. Or at any moment, things are going to come crashing down on us.

Why do we feel the need to control? Pastor Mark said because of the 4 F's: fear, failure, frustration, and fatigue. These are the things used in playing God.

Ouch! Am I not guilty of all 4 of those?

Fear and control go hand in hand. For me, fear drives me to want to be in control because I don't like not knowing what is to come, whether good or bad. But scripture tells us fear is not of the Lord.

God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7

And of course no one wants to fail or be looked at as a failure. But I think it is through our failures, we truly experience God's grace and mercy.

Frustration just causes one to become angry and resentful. Building up walls if you will.

While fatigue allows us to make excuses, put things off another day.

For years, I have prayed for God to lead me to a place where I can do the work of His kingdom. To place me where I can serve Him. That I would find "my calling" as we often like to say. What is my purpose here on earth? I think our whole life is a journey in serving & seeking Him, regardless of where we are or what we are doing at this particular moment in our life. We are always seeking a will and a purpose because I believe that is what makes this life a journey, our own written story.

If we didn't continue to seek and search for His next plan, step, or will for our life - we wouldn't experience the greatness that God has to offer. He didn't ask his disciples to follow him for a little while or a few months but yet their whole lives.

And that is where a simply comment can change your life forever. Where following Him can sometimes be complicated, only because we, the flesh make it that way. Goes back to that whole, need to be in control issue.

You see, while I was completely convicted yesterday at church on many different levels, I realized that God listens to your every word, prayer, and thought. He knows your heart inside, out. And regardless of my hurts, habits, & hung-ups - He loves me more than I could ever know.

And yesterday, He wanted me to know He is real.

Real in the sense that He has it covered because He has already written my story. He knows what is to come and what's next and if I want to be "real" then I will follow Him regardless of how hard of decision I have to make.

He is quick to remind me...he was scared, he was second-guessing when he was in the garden preparing to die for our sins. He was ridiculed and mocked, beaten and bruised BUT He still found strength to carry the cross and go through with what was the plan/will for His life. Dying on the cross for all of mankind. Wow!

So whatever your hurt, habit, or hang-up is will you still follow Him when you are called?

I hope and pray I can and will.

After all, He gave his life for me, for you.

And my life is all I have to give...if this life I lose, I will follow you.

For I stand in awe of all I see.

Fearless

What fear is holding you back? I know lots of fear is looming over at our house...I read this over at (In)Courage and was blown away. I am going today to buy Max Lucado's new book Fearless. I actually attend bible study at Max Lucado's church and have seen the book but never really paid attention it when I walk by the bookstore, okay maybe it's more like I saw it but thought that doesn't apply to me. Hahaha, boy was I wrong! (In)Courage has some wonderful, encouraging posts. I highly recommend subscribing to it.