Wednesday, December 30, 2015

It makes no sense but this is grace...

During my drive home last night, I had to pull over at a rest stop to catch my breath. Sometimes when we walk through what seems to be a dark road, really isn't so dark when we shift our eyes on the things that are unseen, rather than what is seen.

We live with our eyes. We judge based on what we see. We see things from our viewpoint. We see things for what they are, rather than for why they are. I believe there is always purpose & refinement in the valleys.

Time and time again I'm reminded that faith is about what is unseen. When I walked through depression, I had to find a place to see what was unseen. What God wanted me to see. To see this world through His lens. His viewpoint.

Inside out. Not as the world sees things, but as He does.

His Word is where I go to see from His viewpoint. His ways are higher. His thoughts are wilder. His truth and promises...those are the things I want to fill my heart, head, and spirit with. Not the things that darkness brings - doubt, fear, worry, anger.

It makes no sense but this is grace. I (with Brady) spend a lot of time on the road driving back & forth from Houston. There are times I dread the drive, mostly because it's hard...watching someone you love suffer is hard. But I can also tell you while it's hard, the grace that flows from my heavenly Father far out weighs the hard. Every single drive I've made He has met me. During my 3 & half drives He shows himself every.single.time. I remember one night I drove home & made it to my house after midnight as I got out of the car, I heard the most beautiful song birds singing in the night. I was in awe & just stood there listening, thinking how faithful He is. That same night the moon was so bright on my way home. Like a beacon of hope, guiding me. 

This world is dark but there is also so much light. What I love is how God can pierce through the dark. There's no darkness He can't shine through. There's no fear, terror, shadow, death or storm that His light can't meet us or guide us through. Today I was talking to a friend who said Nancy there's a bunch of birds out my window, just having a field day like they feel His presence too. Y'all...even the birds don't worry about tomorrow. I've often wished for my life to go back to normal (whatever that is) before cancer invaded it, but had it not...I wouldn't have the chance to be still & seek refuge in Him. In the shadow of his wings. I wouldn't have all these hours spent driving, talking & worshipping Him. 

I wouldn't know how important the light is in the dark.

Last night I learned I'll always follow Him into the dark, no matter the cost...because the dark is where He shines the brightest. And where He is there is no darkness. Only peace. Only light. Only grace. 

There is no place He'll take me that His grace won't cover me. There's no amount of darkness that He can't undo.

I wouldn't wish cancer upon anyone- it's ugly, hard, & hurts...but the reality is we live in a dark, fallen world. Cancer seems to be everywhere. Thankfully that's not where it ends...that's not where He ends. Even cancer isn't so dark when you have Him as your guide. It makes no sense but this is grace...I know you're with me here in this place. Here now.

"Fix my eyes on the things that I can't see now and all I see is the glory of Your name..."

So I don't have to see things happening to know He isn't working on my behalf. Because the real truth of the matter is He is always working, hearing me, filling me, and guiding me.

And in the quiet & stillness of the night is when I am able to hear & see Him because "faith is the confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." {Hebrews 11:1}

The unseen.

Right before I left Houston, my mom and I discussed about being in both camps...we say we believe our God is bigger than this cancer, yet we don't live like it. We waffle back & forth. We believe man over His truth & promises. We want to take what we SEE and believe that...but we know that's not how faith works. As I talked with Allen about this, he said what's the point of having faith if you aren't going to believe in that faith? Faith is an action. A journey.

It's up to us what we do with the faith we've been given. It's also up to us what we do with and in the dark places of our lives. We can use it to seek and find Him to fuel our light or we can let the dark overcome & our light go out.

I'm so thankful He already overcame the dark. And I'm so thankful that the way He cares for the birds...He cares & loves me that much more. These drives are just pure goodness...even in the dark because He is good, so so good.

May His light break forth like the dawn...

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. -Isaiah 58:8

"There is ALWAYS a song to be sung. Even after the longest, darkest night, the Son will always rise." -Steffany Gretzinger