Monday, October 21, 2013

Brady:22 Months

I've had good intentions of updating this blog regarding Brady.  I thought about it at 18 months, 20 months, then 21 months...just goes to show how quickly time is fleeting.

Blink and it's gone.

So before he turns TWO (gulp), here's a little update on how the little man is doing.  Two???  How can that be possible??

Speaking of two, we are definitely entering into the land of two's.  We speak our mind and we let you know when we don't approve of the ridiculous rules or boundaries set by said parents.  But we are also growing by leaps & bounds every single day.

This is such a fun age, but oh so trying.

I'm guessing he weighs 22 pounds.  Size 4 diapers.  Size 7 (yes SEVEN) shoe.  He can still wear some 5/6 shoes.  We just moved into the 7's.  Clothes range anywhere from 12 months to 18 months.  Most bottoms are to short since he keeps growing up and up!

Teeth - a lot of them.  Almost a full mouth.

Talking - all day long.  Mostly words and a few phrases: momma, mommy, daddy, Reno, Coco, Mimi, Papa, Nenna (nina), D, meow, kitty, bug kill, pee-ple (people), hit, tractor, choo choo, whoo-woo, Aggies, ball, B (he calls himself B, ha!), outside, side, beep beep, puhkin (pumpkin), pas-toe (pasta)...and that's all I can think of right now.
You still love bath time and now prefer a bath over a shower.  You went through a shower phase there for a while.  Night time routine could be so better, but mommy & daddy just go with it.  That's just where we are in life.  You still get a bath every night around 8ish, daddy normally does this and then gets you ready for bed (lotion-ed up, pjs on, books read, prayers said, and then he normally lets you watch "choo choo" or "tractor" until you get relaxed.  Then it's lights out.  You sleep in your own crib (most nights) and wake up around 7:15-7:30am.  Normally then it's milk & "tractor" in "the big bed" while mommy catches a few more zzzzz's or tries to convince herself to wake up! :)

It seems like once school started, our days are gotten extremely busy.  Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays we go to church.  Mondays & Thursdays are for Bible study and Fridays Preschool Praisers (music class).  Which you aren't a fan of this year.  But we go anyway :)  The other days it's either time spent around the house (cleaning) or spent over at Neena & D's while I work/sew.

First time to the church's pumpkin patch.  You actually went with Mrs. Belinda (the nursery worker) while I was in Bible study, so I had to get a picture of you and your pumpkin.
You (B.) can work the phone like a pro.  I guess what child/kid doesn't know how to work on these days.  You can unlock daddy's phone and emergency call Neena or D.

Your favorite shows are anything that involves a tractor (Mighty Machines on Netflix), All About John Deere dvd, Tec the Tractor, and Thomas the Train.

You also still love music!  We often have dance parties in the living room because we love watching you dance. It's the cutest.ever.  Plus it's just plain fun.  Your favorite song is "Wagon Wheel" sung by Darius Rucker.  You recognize it the moment it comes on.

To say you love tractors would be an understand.  You are straight obsessed.  Can't get enough of them.

You are also pretty partial to trains or "choo choos" and you love to play outside.

Food:  your favorite foods are black olives, pizza and pasta!  You request "pas-toe" for every single meal.  You aren't much of a meat eater unless it's sausage or bacon.  You also aren't much into breads.  You'll eat the top of the pizza off but leave the whole crust.  You are still a fairly good eater.  You eat just about anything and everything I make/cook.  Other than chicken.  Can't say that I blame you!  You still only drink milk (raw milk) and water!

I mean oh my goodness.  I love you to pieces.  You definitely keep me and your daddy on our toes.  You are always on the go and always getting into something.  But the joy you bring us is unbelievable.  So often we stop and think to ourselves - is he really ours?  Ours forever?  You are the light of our life!  We can't imagine our life before you and we don't want to go back to that - even if we are insanely tired.  The newborn stage was a piece of cake to now.  You are amaze us daily with the things you say and do.  You are a precious gift and we are so thankful for you.  But I would be lying if I wasn't in denial about having a soon two-year old.  I'm going to look up one day and you'll be 18, heading off to Aggieland. ;)  Which is why I don't want to blink and miss a thing.  We love you B and we are so incredibly proud of you!  You are our sunshine on a cloudy day!!!

Arrghh matey!

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Boxing the enemy

Disappointment as an adult in a hard pill to swallow.  Just when I feel myself coming up for air and breathing a sigh of relief.  The enemy rears his ugly head.

Last week, we attended a benefit for our local Ronald McDonald House.  George Foreman was the guest speaker.  He was wonderful and funny, but he love for Jesus Christ stood out the most.  He told his life story of how he was a street-fighter turned boxer.  How he hated school and skipped often.  How his cousin told him he'd never grow up to be anything anyway.  How he would just close his eyes and knock people out.  And how it was more than just the boxing gloves he wore, but all that went into those gloves.

Passion.  Determination.  Sweat.  Blood.  Tears.

He also said he didn't want to keep fighting, but he did to support his family and his church.

He told how the very few times he did get knocked down, he could hear the ref counting and him thinking to himself that he better get back up!

Goodness.  I may not be a world champion boxer in the ring with Cassius Clay but that doesn't mean I cannot totally relate.  Anybody with me??

As God continues to reveal Himself to me, I am in awe of His wonder and love.  But then I am suddenly reminded he is not done with me yet.  He meaning satan.

I woke up feeling on top of the world.  Feeling I was finally making head way in this season of life, only to find myself sitting in disappointment and despair this afternoon.


Job 4:5 says, "But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you, and you are dismayed." 

The devil isn't going to back down without a fight.  Obviously.  I'm confident he would love for me to stay down, to feel discouraged, or dismayed.  Likely all of the above.

And that's exactly how I feel.  In the last round, trying to catch my breath.  Finding strength to stand up and keep fighting.  Even when I don't want to.

The enemy doesn't play fair, well, or nice.  Especially when we start to unveil his schemes and ways.  Which is why I think our fight has to get harder and more difficult, before getting easier.  Thankfully, God shows us glimpses of His glory in between rounds to help us to keep fighting.  Putting on the armor and shield of what we know is true - the armor of God.  Ephesians 6:10-15.

That He is faithful and good.  Even when we don't understand or don't know the WHY???

There is also purpose in this.  Whether we like it or not.

I may not be in the ring with a heavy weight boxer, but there's no doubt I'm not waging a heavy weight war against an enemy who wants nothing more than for me not to fulfill that purpose.  To not be refined by God's grace and mercy.  To not get back up once the final bell rings...while I want nothing more for him to look back and wish he never, ever missed me.

"But I know where you stay and when you come and go and how you rage against me.  Because you rage against me and because your insolnece has reached my ears, I will put  my hook in your nose and my bit in your mouth, and I will make you return by the way you come.
By the way that he came he will return; he will not enter this city." declares the Lord.
"I will defend this city and save it, for my sake and for the sake of David my servant!" 
Isaiah 37:28-29,34-35

There is purpose in refinement.  And this battle I'm waging has already been won.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The healing has begun.... (part 1)

*warning - this is a deep post written mostly for myself so feel free to skip over it ;) it is definitely where my heart is and I don't want to forget this season in my life.

"You have carried the weight of your secret for way too long...but freedom can never be found behind those walls.  So just let 'em fall."

There are so many things in this life that robs me of my joy.  Robs me of who I am.  Robs me of who God says I am.

Yet, I still continue to allow myself to fall victim to those things.  Allowing my heart to hemorrhage, while looking for things to make it stop.

Earthly things.




"Misplaced worship is at the heart of all bondage."
Beth Moore, Breaking Free

Jesus said I died so you could get well.  He died to heal us from our transgressions.  So why don't we allow Him to do just that?

"He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted." 
Isaiah 61:1

So here I am laying it down.  Giving it to the only one who can heal my broken-heart.  The only one who can truly fulfill me.  Fulfill my heart.  Fulfill my soul. 

And bind up my heart.

Breaking me free what holds me in bondage.  Depression.  From miscarriages, from financial loss, and from just the weight of this world.

The need to feel accepted by others, the need to have more money or things, the need to look a certain way, the need to be something I'm not.

I'm not organized.  I'm not the best at keeping up the with laundry.  I'm not 130 pounds and probably never will be.  I'm not a size 6.  I'm not a very good housekeeper.  And I certainly can't do it all.

But those things don't define who I am.

"My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."
Jeremiah 2:13

I have told myself SO many lies.  Time and time again.  So many times that I have believed them.  I believed I would always battle depression.  I would probably never have any more kids because of the not-so-great mother I am.  And I'll always struggle with money, whether I have to much or to little.

Yet, at the same time trying to save face that I have it all together.  That I live a life without struggle.  All those things are lies.  Lies from the enemy who wants nothing more than to drag my soul into the depths of hell.

My own cistern is a broken one.  One falling to pieces at the seams, filled with so many things.  Some that are wonderful and some that bind me to my fears and struggles.  Dug down deep.  Some things buried so deep I didn't even realize they were there.  Ouch.
I struggle daily.  Some days the struggle is so much it takes my breath away, and it literally makes me ill. 

But Christ tells us that He will uphold us.  Uphold our case.  And fight for us.

Oh sweet Jesus, what liberty is there in knowing that!

What if we would allow Him to be the depths of our well?  Instead of all the above.  Instead of chasing things in life that will never, ever truly fulfill us.  For me, it's almost too much to even comprehend.  But that is the amazing thing about Him.  We don't have to understand in order for Him to heal us.  Or even love us.  He does that regardless of our brokenness.

"Child, lift up your eyes 'cause mercy remembers your name and those tears you've been holding back, let 'em fall down like rain"

I am done fighting.  I am done trying to uphold myself and my case.  I am done chasing after things that will not fulfill my life or purpose.

I am done being quiet.  Acting has if Satan hasn't grabbed a hold of me and tried to destroy me like a thief in the night.  Robbing of my joy.

Christ didn't die so I could live a life of suffering.  Of course, He knew I would have sufferings in this life.  His word tells me that.  But without suffering, I wouldn't be able to draw near to Him.  Or He wouldn't be able to lift me from the living dead.

He desires to raise me from the living dead.  He desires to fulfill my life.  And He is fulfilled when I allow Him to fill me.

"The continued search for something earthly to fill our empty places is costly."
-Breaking Free, Beth Moore

Filling my life with earthly things just robs me of what He desires for me.  All the excessive things in my life (social media, entertainment, food) robs me of my time with Him.  Shame robs me of who I really am in Him.  Guilt robs me of His peace.

Depression robs my soul, my life, and my family.

But no longer's the day!

The healing has begun...

I am breaking free of those chains.  Lifting my eyes and laying it down.

Because what was lost, has now been found.

I am taking my tattered, worn, battered, and broken cistern to the Living Well and leaving it there.  I don't want to carry it around anymore.  I want to be His bucket.  I want Him to fulfill me and sustain me.  Not earthly things, not stuff, not hurts, disappointments, losses, or struggles.  Just Him.  Sweet loving, merciful Jesus.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a wiling spirit, to sustain me.
Psalm 51:10,12

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

My Facebook Rant

So I've had Facebook wayyy before it became "the thing" to have or do.  Back when the only way you could get an account was if you had a college email address.  You know the days before your parents could join...bless it.

It was a great way to connect with others.  It was a great way to find long lost friends and catch up with them.

Fast forward eh 11 years.

Now it is nothing but people cramming their political views, as well as their stances on issues honestly I could care less about.

It's not that I don't care about things like:
- gun control
- vaccines
- abortion
- GMO's
- breastfeeding vs. formula feeding
- high fructose corn syrup

Or whatever else controversial issues there may be...

Let's be honest.  I'm human.  I'm a woman.  And I have my opinions.

Lots of them, actually.

But that doesn't mean I have to bore people with them.


It's not that I don't believe these are important issues, because they are.  But goodness...does one really care what I think about these issues?  More than likely not.

Not to mention, no one wants to hear about the same thing over and over.  Kind of like flooding your newsfeed with photos of my child - sorry.  Rookie parent move.  You'll understand when you have children... ;)

Back to my rant...

Since when did Facebook become such a breeding grounds for such nonsense.  Or better yet, when did it become a place to solve our government and social issues?  Where everyone is smarter than the other, more informed (misinformed is probably more the case, but hey no one ever likes to be wrong!), and know politics, science, and medicine better than those who actually work in these fields. 

Back in circa 2003, it was a place to post photos of daily musings or update us on what you were doing?
Now it's just a landmine choked full of nonsense.

I realize I could just delete my account.  Or un-friend lots of people.  Don't get me wrong it has crossed my mind many of times...

But I guess I just keep hoping one day it will be back to the "good ol' days" of simpleness.  I realize things have to change and evolve but goodness - why do people feel the need to blast us with their views.


So you believe in the right to bear arms.  Bravo!  So you think high fructose corn syrup is the best thing since sliced bread.  Bravo!  Oh heavens, don't bring up bread.  Wheat is sure enough to kill us all.  I mean I am pretty sure I understood your view on the President the night of re-election.  I don't need to eight fifteen more posts to get the point. 
Life is already complicated enough.  There is no need to add fuel to it.  Also, it's hard to understand each other if we can't see past each others' beliefs or differences.

Just because you believe a certain way, doesn't mean it's the only way.  Thank goodness.

So for the love of Christmas...stop using Facebook as your sounding board on issues such as these.

Because let's be honest...your rants are not going to change those issues or change the minds of whom read them.  Or change the President.  Or change who vaccines and whom doesn't.  Or change gun laws.  Or change the world.
Not to sound harsh - but most of us don't care!

If you want to make a change or difference, use your energy serving others.  Listening to others.  Being with others.  Learning from others.  Whom are different from you.

Life is messy enough without rants over issues that are never, ever going to go away.  Also, there are people fighting real life issues like cancer, loneliness due to their husband/wife fighting for our country - your freedom, a sick child, unemployment, or whatever kind of battles life throws at us.  We are all battling something.

So be kind.  Count your blessings, look around for the good things in life, and lay off all those silly e-cards.

Too much of anything is never a good thing! ;)

rant over.