Knees to the Earth

I used to blare Kirk Franklin throughout our apartment when we lived in San Antonio. I had suffered a miscarriage, couldn't find a job and I hated life! I thought of ending my life almost on a daily basis. It was such a dark time in my life & I thought I'd never have real joy in my life. It would be almost 3 years before I would be set free from depression. 

I spent many hours on my knees, crying out in our walk-in closet.

Knees to the earth.

Other than Allen, my mom was my biggest cheerleader. She encouraged me, lifted me up, and prayed over me time & time again. She knew that God had great things in store for me, if only I could see what she saw & what Christ saw in me. She knew I'd overcome and pushed me to get help time & time again. Honestly, I just thought "it was just who I was" (oh the lies I believed), but mom knew that was NOT who I was. She has poured Christ into me since I was a little girl. She always told me I'd do great things for the Kingdom.

Now the tables have turned and I have the honor & privilege of encouraging, uplifting, and praying over my mom. It's tough watching your mom suffer, but more than anything it's tough watching her spirit suffer. Because I know that is NOT who she is. And I know she IS and will continue to do great things for the Kingdom.

This, her diagnosis, her cancer journey is just the beginning. I often joke with her about being her booking agent or when will start speaking about the miracles God is doing.

Cancer is physically tough, but mentally & emotionally I can't even imagine. Basically, it's a death sentence [IF you choose to see it that way]. But as believers we know Christ already conquered death & we are ALL dying little by little every single day. It's how we chose to live each day that matters. Not next month, next year, five years from now, etc. So I choose not to see it as a death sentence, but yet a spring board for God's goodness & grace.

Perspective is everything.

Our minds are programmed to think towards the future, but I'm starting to believe that's not at all how Jesus intended it to be for us. Always chasing the next best thing, the next vacation, the next promotion, the next, the next...

Isn't today enough? Isn't HE enough?

I bow my knees to now. Today. This day whatever it may bring. Thanking Him for today. Even thanking Him for the hard- this hard, cancer. I look for opportunities I can seize today. I also threw out the expectations of THIS world. I want to be in this world, but not of it. 

I want the lens of grace.

The grace that transfigures all. After all, isn't that why Christ suffered the ugliness of the Cross? To transfigure us, through grace. To prove there is beauty in the suffering.

When we lay it down, knees to the earth we empty ourselves. Emptiness is then filled with His grace. Maybe that's why His grace abounds in deepest waters...

Our vantage point changed. Transfigured.

We must change our lens in order to see the God of Transfiguration. To experience fullness. Grace. Beauty.

I remember once mom told me while sitting at the kitchen table...that isn't it sweet to be in the valley. I cried. All I wanted was to be on the mountaintop (or dead) because the valley was hard. But she was right.

Life is full of valleys & it seems we're in the valley more than we are on the mountaintop, but maybe it's not the valley that's hard but our perspective that makes it hard. Satan wants nothing more than to keep us in chains & play with our emotions. Our perspective gets blocked & we feel hopeless. 

But our knees are our vantage point in the hard. 

Where we bend the knee and meet Christ face to face. 

Where darkness transfigures into light, sufferings transfigures into grace, bad turns to good, and pain births new life.

It IS a sweet, sweet spot. 

Sometimes I wish I could go back to that closet with Kirk Franklin blaring & tell myself THIS is where your pain will be used for good. For the Kingdom. He picked me & you mom for Him. For His Kingdom. For His good.

He picked you for this. Like Esther, "and who knows you have not come to the Kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14) 

So Mom it's sweet to be in the valley. The valley is where sweet surrender happens, where we're transformed by His grace and love. Consider it ALL joy - the valley & the mountaintop. Consider this time just a resting spot but not a destination. 

God wastes nothing.

So bend the knee, give thanks for the pain, and transform your perspective.

May you have eyes to see the mountaintop God has before you. The beauty in the pain.

But meanwhile knees to the earth. Emptying out yourself where grace transfigures all.

Even cancer.

"Proudly refusing to accept this moment (including the HARD moments), dismissing it as no gift at all, I refuse God. I reject God." 

"Thy will be done," - not just in heaven, or down the road in the future in this world, but in this world at this very moment." 

This very moment...

Mom- i love you madly! Lift up your face for mercy remembers your name!!

Tomorrow is a new day but tonight blare some Kirk Franklin & lay down your fears at the feet of Jesus & yes buy that gift & dye your hair & do all the things you normally do because you are STILL living!!! & according to AB you will be for a while ;) we're still in the fight! It's time to get back in the ring & show the enemy just WHO you really are!

And I'd gladly walk through my darkness 100x over it means that I'm able to face this with my mom. I'm thinking knees to the earth with thanksgiving is the only way to live.

Costa Rica: Day 8 {Departure: Home}

Saturday. 

Our time in Costa Rica has come to an end.  It felt like in one aspect the week went by really fast, yet also really slow.  I think we were all ready to return home to our families.  I can't speak for everyone but I know while I couldn't wait to get home, I also knew I would miss Costa Rica.

In a mere seven days, my life was completely changed.  My heart and mind opened in ways I never thought possible.  My perspective changed.

Saturday morning, we got up and had one last meal cooked by Muraja.  We ate, cleaned up, and then got the rest of our stuff packed.  Most had packed the night before, but there were still last minute things to pack.  We said goodbye to where we had called "home" for the last 7 days.

Javier arrived a little before 8 to load up our bags and take us to the airport.  We were loaded and ready to go by 8:15.

Our flight was set to leave at 11:10AM.  We safely made it to the airport and it was time to say goodbye to our lovely driver, Javier.  We thanked him, gave him a gift, and gave hugs all around.  We had grown fond of Javier.  He made us laughed, was a great singer, told us so much about things we saw, and happily answered any and all our questions.  

We were very thankful for him to be our driver.

Once we said our goodbyes, we all filed into the airport.  Costa Rica requires an exit tax so we took care of that first.  Each person paid their $29, filled out some paperwork, then got in line to check in with United Airlines.

For whatever reason, this took particularly a long time.  I think we were relieved to finally get all checked in.  We then made our way to security, which moved rather quickly but behind us was a line of people - not sure where all the people came from.  Security was a breeze & we had about 10 minutes to spare once we made it to our gate.

A few bought last minute souvenirs, while I made sure to get ONE last cup of Costa Rican cafe!  That I happened to spill all over my backpack and then had to throw away before boarding the plane.

Not a happy camper!  They searched our bags before getting on the plane for any and all liquids.  It was crazy & the ladies searching were relentless.  Becky was NOT happy they made her throw away her brand new $3.50 bottle of water.

One lady insisted I drink ALL the coffee before getting on the plane.  Clearly, that was not going to happen but she wouldn't let me throw it away.  Which made NO sense to me!  Thankfully, one of the other security guards agreed to let me just throw it away. 

The plane coming home was full.  Not a single empty seat.  Everyone except Michele sat at the very back of the plane.  Like the very last row.  I heard every single time the toilet flushed.  Yay! ;)  I was just happy our seats reclined unlike the way to CR.

I was even happier I was able to sneak in a hour long nap.

We arrived in Houston right on schedule...a few minutes before 4pm.  We cleared security and customs with no problems at all.  Our rides were waiting for us as we walked out of the airport.

We were thankful to be home, but I think a piece of all of us was still in Costa Rica.  We could go back to our "normal lives" (whatever that is), but I don't think we'd go back the same people.

Costa Rica was a trip of a lifetime.  It was incredible.  It was humbling.  

I am so thankful myself and the 6 others I went with, all said yes to something so much greater than ourselves.  I can't wait to go back!

Until then...Pura Vida, los amigos!!!

I know one little person who sure was happy to have mommy home!  My heart has never been so full!!!!  And I can't thank his daddy enough for encouraging me to go on this trip for myself.  I probably never would have considered it had he not insisted I go and promised me him and the boy would be just fine.  And just fine they were :)

  

Costa Rica: Day 7 {Part II: La Paz Waterfall}

So I'm currently in the comfort of my home, obviously not in Costa Rica any longer.  I wasn't able to finish day 6 since I had a bad WiFi connection and well was exhausted.  I am still tired, but before I forget I want to finish up blogging about our last full day in amazing CR!

I left off on the previous post with us heading up to mountain to the waterfalls...

There were lots of dairy cows or farms on the way up.

As we got closer to the falls, we started seeing natural springs just coming out.

The way up to waterfalls was a lot of curves and bumps.  The temperature started to drop and the views overlooking the cities down below were just breath-taking.  It took probably an hour & half to get to La Paz Waterfall gardens.

As soon as we got there, we headed to a lunch buffet.  The food once again was really good.  There was bbq short ribs, roasted chicken, fresh salad & pasta, rice & beans of course, chips & dips, pizza, fruit, and fresh fruit juices.  

We ended our meal with delicious Cafe Britt coffee with warm rice pudding!!  Soo good!!  I could have just stayed here for the rest of the afternoon ;)  I think I have a slight addiction to the Costa Rican coffee, haha!

We had about 2 and half hours left to explore the gardens and waterfalls.  There are trails and you go at your own pace.  There were also lots of other areas to see other than the waterfalls.

There was a jungle cat exhibit, butterfly garden (that was amazing!), monkeys, frog area, snakes, walk-through bird exhibit, and trout pond.  Plus a ton of beautiful flowers to take in.  The monkeys really liked Elias or really he liked them.  It was so funny!!

We all kind of did our own thing based on what each of us wanted to do.  All of us, except Becky did the walk down through the waterfalls.  We took a selfie on the way down...trying to capture our "we are really in the rain forest" moment.
  

It was incredible!

The pictures just don't do this place justice!  There are a total of 4 waterfalls, and the biggest one starts up at the top.

The water was so cold and felt soooo clean!

There were ferns that were HUGE!  And these other plant that had the biggest leaves I had ever seen.  They called it "poor man's umbrella" but I'm not sure of the real name.  These were growing up above the walkway through the waterfalls.  I mean such beauty!!!

The flowers were so colorful and vibrant!  Sadly, I only had my camera phone with me so my pictures don't do a great job of showing their beauty.  Even the "small" leaves were huge.  They had these trees that looked like something out of a Dr. Seuss book or movie.

This one was called "White Magic" because when you stared at the middle of the fall, the cliff looked like it was moving back and forth with the water.  Was freaky!!  The picture below is looking down over the top of the waterfall.

The jungle cat exhibit...Daddy jaguar and mommy.  She had the first cubs ever born in captivity in CR.  Three little cubs that were so dang cute, only 49 days old.

Baby cub climbing and biting a tree.

Michele and I as we were walking through just kept saying, "wow we are really here!  In the rain forest!!"  It was surreal.  We really enjoyed seeing the falls but the walk back up was no joke!  I thought we might not make it...I blame the altitude, and not the fact that we are totally in shape for such hiking.  This was our we might not make it moment...haha!  

Towards the end of our hike, this little guy just popped out of no where.  Beverly, Melissa, Michele, and myself were so excited to see him!  He was not bothered by us at all.  I'm sure he saw us barely able to make it up that he knew we were harmless ;) we took a short bus ride back up the top and then we watched them feed the jungle cats before heading home.  My phone died right before we went into the butterfly house so sadly I didn't get any pictures of them.  But it was amazing!  We all had a great day & it was a good way to end our amazing trip!  We had a long trip home since it was "rush hour" once we made it back down the mountain.  We ate dinner and then packed our bags for the trip home.  Day 7 and our trip home...I'll post tomorrow!