Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Glorious Day

Three crosses

You might want to grab a tissue...I know I couldn't make it through this one without tears.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. But lately the Easter is coming into a very close 1st runner up or almost passing up Christmas.

Easter season is here & my heart is filled with indescribable feelings. But I have found myself seeking the Cross in a new & different way than any Easters before.

I think last year (or my time in SA) was such a dark time and I remember praying for something to change or happen. And it was in the springtime that things started looking up for me.

I remember thinking oh I can't wait for spring. I can't wait to see God's beauty in the natural & really look for it in ways I hadn't before. Boy, did I ever look at them in a different way?

I would search high & low in my Bible for verses of change, moving mountains, anything with a glimmer of hope or new-ness.

During that time, I realized He would make all things new in His time. I realized He loved me more than I ever could know. But more importantly, He showed me He had not forgotten me, as I had thought.

He breathed new life into me. & said I did ALL of this for you, Nancy...all of this for anyone & everyone who believes me in.

Your life does not end here, but merely begins here for what is to come. And not in a job but in His Kingdom.

I finally felt that my chains of darkness & depression had finally been broken. I finally felt free.

A sense of revival if you will.

In years past, I think I saw Easter has a time of sorrow.
Which is why I partly blocked it out. I didn't want to know Jesus suffered. Ignorance is bliss, maybe. A time where Jesus had to be battered, beaten, & die before all to see. A death that we almost can't even wrap our human minds around. Just has Jesus thought...isn't there another way?

He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” Matthew 26:42

Jesus felt fear.
Jesus wept.
Jesus prayed.
Jesus felt alone.
But regardless, He still said "Father your will, not mine..."

Unbelievable. And all for you, me, us, the world.

And I guess that is why I look at Easter in a whole, new way this year.

I was filled with fear.
I wept more than I ever had.
I prayed like I never had before.
I felt more alone than before.
But yet, I said "Father your will, not mine..."

And I did it ALL for Him!
And have never regretted it for a second.

The darkness, the depression, the miscarriage, the heartache, the tears, the pain of it all...was all so worth it.

I will even say I almost miss those days...because my full attention was on the Cross & there is nothing sweeter than being at the feet of Jesus.

I tell AB all the time I'd do it all over again if I knew what amazing grace I'd see on the mountain top.

So I can only imagine what it felt like for Jesus to roll away the stone & enter His new life of being our Savior.

What a GLORIOUS day!

& I can't get enough of this song...

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He's coming...
Oh glorious day

My Savior, Jesus, is mine

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