Thursday, April 9, 2015

Lacking Nothing

I should be packing for Costa Rica or cleaning my house or doing laundry.  I am set to leave on Satuday for Costa Rica for seven days.  For my first mission trip.

It's something I've been anxious about.  While I want to be excited about it, I can admit I am a little fearful how it will change me.  I know I can't come back the same person I currently am.  

Change in the flesh is scary.  But change in the spirit is even scarier to me.

Because when you are changed in the spirit, you no longer can live the same way as you did before.

My eyes can't un-see things once they have been seen them.  Whether good or bad.

My heart can't undo the things it has experienced or seen.

Like how being a mother has changed me in more ways than I could have imagined.  While my body physically changed, my heart and spirit has changed the most.

This past week has been a roller coaster in regards to my mom.  She was set to begin her clinical trial this week.  A routine biopsy landed her in the ER at M.D. Anderson.  Which then lead to being admitted into the hospital.

Tuesday afternoon, we headed to Houston while I sent out flares to my prayer warriors.

Of course, a million things went through my mind as we headed to Houston.  I tried to let go of my fear.  I tried to find my footing in an unknown situation.

When we arrived at the ER room, mom was having an episode of uncontrollable shakes/chills, high heart rate, and low oxygen.

I leaned over her and began to pray.  Asking His spirit to fill that place, to make her whole.  To make her new.  To breathe new life into her heart and soul.

Her shaking became less obvious and her vitals started to even out.  I sat on the edge of her bed continuing to ask for His spirit to pour into that small room.  Filling every square inch.  Lacking nothing.

Then I thanked Him.

Thanked Him for the chaos and unknown.

Thanked Him for loving my mom and us so much, that He would even endure death so we could live.

While I tried to hold back tears, tears rolled down my cheeks and I knew that from here on out, none of us would ever be the same.

He is constantly calling us to change.  To leave the former things behind while making things new.

Change is necessary.

My mom can't remain the same.  I can't remain the same.  We can't remain the same.  For it's in the deeps of souls He urges us to change.

He urges us to die to ourselves in order to live for Him.  Die to the old, where fruit is no longer plentiful.

We simply can't be the same as we were before or the Cross would be lost.

Just as my upcoming trip to Costa Rica will stretch me and change me, this too is stretching me and my family.  I used to think that the person I was, was just who I would be.  I'm learning now that this person I am now, will look different as my relationship with Christ evolves.

He never intended for me to simply just be.  Or for any of us to just be.

We can't change without suffering.

Suffering is where we learn to die to ourselves and cling to Him.  It's in our sufferings we are able to sort through the places in our heart and soul that cause us to doubt, be fearful, or feel hopeless.

It's the place where our faith meets the road.  Or at the bedside of a hospital bed.

The road where we can either pick up the Cross and follow Him or pick up our worldly baggage and continue to walk a life of uncertainty.  Focusing on the impossible, instead of what His word tells us about how He can do the impossible.

That we shouldn't be afraid for He's already conquered death.

If we traveled through this life without pain, then we wouldn't have to follow Him.  Or need Him for that matter.  I am learning that it's through our pain we are able to birth new life.  It's where the change happens.  Total transformation.  The old dies away and the new begins to grow.

But the old can't die without enduring the suffering.

And He can't display His glory without suffering.

The greatest suffering ever known was done on the Cross.  And it was done for His glory.

We can't see His glory without the suffering.  He can't reveal Himself to us in ways like never before without it.

"God you pursue me with power and glory
Unstoppable Love that never ends
You’re unrelenting with passion and mercy"

This week has been a true test.  Thankfully, nothing can separate us from His love.

My mom has written on a post-it hanging in her kitchen window that says, "Turn every test into a testimony."

Our faith has been tested.  Our worries, doubts, and fears tested.  Our patience tested.  Our flesh tested.

We've prayed hard.  We've searched for hope at every corner.

We have discussed details over lab results, CT scan results, blood work, and honestly none of those things add up.  But what does add up, is His mercy and kindness.

He has meet us every step of the way. He has held us, sustained us, and rescued us.  Even before we knew we needed rescuing.

He has filled His with Spirit, filling every inch of our souls.  Like flowing water...He quenches our thirst.  Our hope restored.

Showing His glory in amazing ways.

This morning mom will receive blood due to low hemoglobin levels.

He will breath new life into her.  New crimson blood.

It's like Easter all over again for us.  His blood poured out for us.

Making us, my mom new.  Whole.

Lacking nothing.

The gift He gave us on the Cross - redemption through His blood.  We exchange the old, for new.

I almost can't contain myself for the change my family is experiencing.  Without the struggles this week, we wouldn't have experienced such glory.  We wouldn't have been able to rest in knowing regardless what changes here on earth, You Jesus remain the same.

That You own the moon and stars.  That You hold mom in the palm in your hand.  While she is SO precious to us, she is even more precious to You.  She's your beloved child, adorned with your righteousness.  You created her and have loved her at her darkest.  You have called her to the depths of the ocean, where she is learning to find her footing.  Where she is learning to trust without borders.  Where she is learning to weave this test into a beautiful testimony.  Where you are changing her, in order to change this world for your Kingdom - for your glory.

Mom has said from the beginning, she feels honored He chose her for such a time as this.  I can't think of a more courageous stance to take.

So while change is scary and uncomfortable at times, we know that THIS change is what will bring redemption and transformation.  

His blood runs through our veins, changing and restoring us. 

May He continue to change us while being our constant, steadfast peace.  The hope that anchors our soul.

Lacking nothing.

We thank you, Jesus for the change that is manifesting through this test.  Our hearts are overwhelmed with your love for us that is freely given to us.

We thank you, Jesus for your valiant warrior who I am beyond honored to call my mother.  And you call your precious child, daughter.

She embodies what it means to take up the Cross and follow.  You weave us with your love, making us new, lacking nothing.

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another." 2 Corinthians 3:18

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