In Oceans Deep

I am excited for what this next year may bring.  Last year was definitely a year of lessons, trials, heartaches, and hardships.

While the new year offers a refreshing start, a place to regroup, and hopefully brings hope for what is to come - there will still be heartache, lessons to be learned, and trials to sort though.

In the past years, I hoped for a better year than the last.  I hoped it would be "my year" to prosper, to not be harmed, to have hope for my future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

But what about the rest of the story...the next two verses say this.

"Then you will call upon me and come an pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with you all your heart."

Seeking God with our all heart is a lot more complicated than I had originally thought.  It is more about His will for my life, rather than mine.  More about His desires, rather than what I desire.  More about Him, and way less about me.

Means removing the idols that have taken up residence in certain areas of my heart.  In my life.  Ones I didn't even knew existed.

And seeking Him with all I am.

Seeking Him even if it means trials, heartache, and loss.  He never promised me a life without struggle, but He did promise a life where He would walk with us every step of the way.  Where He would carry us and sustain us even when the oceans rise.

Those are the times we need Him most.  Those are the times we draw on Him for strength.

So my outlook for the new year is going to be way different than any year before.

I don't want to seek a year full of prosperity (in terms of money).  I am done chasing money.  Chasing the dream of having it all.  I am done allowing money to rule in my heart and life.  Ultimately, causing me more distress than happiness.  This is why I decided to walk away from my dream of Honey B., even if it was more successful than I dreamed it would be.  Even if it had so much pride in it.  It was my desire, my want.  I want to prosper for the Kingdom, not for the things of this world.

I don't want to seek a year full of unharmful things.  Last year was one of the most difficult years, I have had to face.  It was full of things that hurt.  It was full of losses.  Those harmful things and losses only caused me to draw closer to Him.  Forced me to lay those things down at His feet.  He couldn't have healed me, if I didn't have things I needed to be healed from.

I want nothing more than for 2014 to be the year about Him.

I know my feet will fail me, but that doesn't meant I won't walk out upon the water when He calls.

His grace abounds in deepest waters.

Or I won't seek Him, even when I know it's going to be painful or may not be exactly what I desire.

I want this year to about trust without borders.  In oceans deep.  Where my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.